GREP* Blotter, 12/9/04, 11:30 a.m.
A group of unsuspecting native rhododendrons (Rhododendron maximum) were viciously attacked this week in Glen Ridge and their mutilated limbs dumped unceremoniously curbside along Ridgewood Avenue. Due to budgetary constraints, the GREP* had insufficient police tape to cordon off the crime scene, exposing the gruesome remains to public view. No suspects have as yet been identified, although it is rumored that a landscape crew may have been in the area at the time. A few hacked off limbs of Taxus were also spotted in the horrid pile, but escaped notice: mutilation of yews on Ridgewood Avenue is so common as to not be considered a crime in this locale.
*Glen Ridge Environmental Police