Department of Unusual New Year’s Resolutions, 2006 Edition

The Barista’s goal for the new year: turn into a MILF by Mother’s Day. Here are Ed Remsen’s, snatched straight from one of our own threads.

My hopes for 2006:

1. The troops come home
2. We don’t get anymore snow
3. The geese don’t return to Edgemont Park
4. The leaves stay on the trees
4. The town gets $4.5 million from the McMullen Family to renovate the Clary Anderson Arena and Essex Pool complex so we can use them year-round
5. Miss Marta loses some of that cynicism and adopts a more positive and healthier attitude.

Posted by: Ed Remsen | Dec 30, 2005 10:08:32 PM

Anyone remember this one from last year?

Click here to sign up for Baristanet's free daily emails and news alerts.

38 COMMENTS

  1. Sorry, but mind got lost in the gutter after reading the Barista’s goal and then what I’m sure was her innocent choice of verbs. What was the subject?

  2. I donno, Miss MarTTA, I think your mayor is kind of cool. Maybe his immaturity comes out when provoked, like on a message board? But I have enjoyed reading his comebacks on Baristanet! At least he participates, other towns’ “elders” ignore us!!

  3. Miss Martta:
    1. Sorry about the spelling
    2. We next elect a mayor in 2008
    3. If I’m not your mayor, should I
    be ignoring your comments about
    Montclair?
    4. Does responding candidly to the
    often nasty comments that people
    get to make with the relative
    anonymity of their computer mean
    I have no class? If we don’t
    respond, we’re considered aloof;
    if we do (and it’s not to the
    liking of some folks) it’s
    considered arrogant. One of my
    New Year’s resolutions is to stay
    off these sites and focus on my
    family, my day job and my job as
    Mayor. I will, of course, be
    checking on you.
    Happy New Year to all.

  4. “1. Sorry about the spelling.”
    No problem.
    “2. We next elect a mayor in 2008.”
    By then I will, hopefully, be living out the rest of my life in a Red State, so it won’t matter anyway.
    “3. If I’m not your mayor, should I
    be ignoring your comments about
    Montclair?”
    No. But, should you attack me personally? I don’t think so.
    “4. Does responding candidly to the
    often nasty comments that people
    get to make with the relative
    anonymity of their computer mean
    I have no class?”
    I do not post anonymously. Also, I do not remember attacking you personally. Ever.
    “One of my New Year’s resolutions is to stay off these sites and focus on my family, my day job and my job as
    Mayor.”
    Good for you.

  5. Miss Martta,
    Ease up a little gal, his was pretty mild rebuke. “personal attack”? ‘cmon…that sounds like Butch-talk.

  6. Ed,
    I do have a question for you though. How is the zonning change which requires house builders to sell one in five homes at a sub-market price (for middle income families) fair? Doesn’t this constitute a tax on some for the benefit of all? Won’t the builder either not build (I realize this may be the *intended* effect, or pass on the cost in the price of the other four homes? Either way the burden of Montclair’s “social policy” will be bourne unevenly. Is this fair? If the township wants to engage in social engineering should the cost of such be carried by all of us?

  7. “The Barista’s goal for the new year: turn into a MILF by Mother’s Day”…I almost spit out my morning cup of English breakfast tea cause I’m still laughing. I love your sense of humor, Barista…it’s gonna be a fun year.
    Miss Martta rocks!!!

  8. I wondered also, ROC, and google is my friend–but I don’t think we’re allowed to say certain words on Baristanet. A worthy goal, Debbie.
    Mayor, we are finally on the same page– Bring the Troops Home!!

  9. X-rated, ROC, you really don’t want to know.
    This past year I have allowed the idiot drivers of NNJ to get under my skin with their “me-first/screw-you” antics. I have gotten angry, screamed obscenities, flipped birds through the sunroof, performed stupid and dangerous maneuvers such as tailgating, flashing lights, and swerving to let the offenders know they have erred. In doing so I have P.O.’d TLOML, risked injuring myself and others, and raised my blood pressure to unprecedented levels.
    My resolution for 2006: No More Mr. Nice Guy! I have recently equipped all my vehicles with Asshole-seeking Missles. You are all toast.
    Happy New Year.

  10. Give the mayor a break. What he is doing is not easy, so of course “someone” is bound to be offended. Thankfully this mayor seems to have thick enough skin to not be fazed by it.
    He takes a bold step by actually getting involved in these forums. For those who actually LIVE in Montclair, we appreciate it… I hope he does NOT suceeed in staying off the boards altogether — it is one more way of staying in tune and in touch.
    Cynics will persist regardless.

  11. “Miss Martta,
    Ease up a little gal, his was pretty mild rebuke. ‘personal attack?'”
    ROC: Go back and reread his initial comments. Do you see any other poster besides yours truly mentioned in his post? I rest my case.

  12. The fact he mentions you obviously means he reads your posts-
    Whether he agrees with you or not, he at leasts acknowledges you–take it as a compliment-not as an insult-
    And if he didn’t think you had a sense of humor, I doubt he would have mentioned you–you are actually a fun poster and one who’s personality shines. One, who has courageously made your identity known; real e-mail-real talent; and from what I understand real beauty and normally a real sense of humor (albeit a little sensitive at times).
    And as for the Mayor, I think it is pretty cool that he makes his visits and hopes he continues to check in.
    We may not always like what you do, but if you keep your hands clean, I am certain that even your naysayers will respect you regardless.

  13. hey, the ledger is reporting that the the consultant who coined the slogan (NJ:we’ll win you over”) that Codey subsequently refused…was paid 262K!!!…
    So with a pomp and fanfare, I take pleasure in announcing that as of today my consultant service is open for business!!!

  14. debbie, right on. Let’s all be milf’s! Me too! I wanna be a milf. Let’s start milf classes. anyone want to sign up? first class will be a field trip to bloomingdale’s intimates department. ooops. is this too racy for baristanet?

  15. I note that the Mayor’s comment came immediately after Miss Martta’s jab at The Disnification Of Montclair in the Input Requested thread. In that context, it seems merely a humorous response. Out of context, at the top of a different thread, I can see how it might be taken differently. Now that we understand that, let’s everyone hug & make up.
    And as for the Barista’s goal: (1) LOL! and (2) from the few pix that have popped up here, it looks to me like said goal is well within reach. Please post more pix and I will be happy to expound further on this subject.

  16. The question for ANY aspiring MILF’s out there might be, who’s supposed to be the “I” in the equation? The Mayor? PHT? butch? (You leave a door open like that, wags like self have the hardest time not walking through it.)
    So have a great 2006 without that particular dream. Leave eminently fine-looking enough alone.

  17. from george will’s column in newsweek online:
    “When Jada Pinkett Smith, wife of actor Will Smith, told a Harvard audience that women “can have it all√¢‚Ǩ‚Äùa loving man, devoted husband, loving children, a fabulous career,” the campus Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, and Supporters Alliance said its members were made “uncomfortable” because Mrs. Smith’s words were “extremely heteronormative.”…when will the madness end?

  18. I guess it all depends on your defintion of “it all.”
    “Heteronormative” is a word I’d prefer never to have seen.
    I’ve noted that “normative” seems to be springing up all over cyberspace this month. It clearly seems to have achieved meme status. I wonder who & what prompted this.

  19. My children had to explain to me what MILF means. How embarassing.
    (P.S. Please include me in the Milf class).

  20. heteronormative? Hahaha! welcome, to the first new ridiculous socio-babble pc phrase of the 2006. thanks for sharing that.
    as for the “i” in milf? i believe it’s a nonspecific “i” …..really, we’re not trying to be vulgar (well, maybe just a little) with a phrase like that, just sharing a little new year’s silliness from gals who remember what we looked like in our fine, fine, superfine 20’s and sigh longingly now and then, even though we’re happy and grateful for all our blessings. still–when i remember those size one jeans i used to fit into……..please, indulge us our goofy daydreams now and then, okay?

  21. As a skier, I am deeply offended at Mayor Ed’s wish for “no more snow”. Why dooes he discriminate against my people? Is he not our mayor too? It would have been more appropriate for him to wish for no new taxes. Or no more debt. Or no more frivolous expenditures. I appeal to the mayor in the name of humanity to change his wish, or resign from office.

  22. If you’re not a miss martta fan, you’ll be happy to know she wont be passing her genetics on for us or any of our decendants to enjoy.

  23. What’s with this wish from the Mayor that the geese don’t RETURN to Edgemont Pond?
    News flash: They never left.
    There’s thirty to sixty out there now, and I see a couple of sea gulls have also decided to join them.
    Cary

  24. I think over a year ago on these very pages I predicted the geese would not leave no matter how many consultants were hired. We just need one crack shot and some boxes of ammo.

  25. For every goose you shoot, another will flock in to take its place.
    The only solution is to lay some Shock & Awe on them.
    Then bring in Halliburton to pave over the Park.

  26. Ho crank, have you no faith in Natural Selection? I may be forced to inform the evolutionary Grand Inquisitor.

  27. Oh crank, have you no faith in Natural Selection? I may be forced to inform the evolutionary Grand Inquisitor.

Comments are closed.