Who Let The Pigs Out?

Yesterday’s hogorrific story sounds like the plot of a Michael Crichton thriller, and at the very least belongs in the files of Weird NJ.
The story of vicious pigs was thought to be a bit of Jersey folklore, but it seems that a few decades ago, some little farm piggies escaped – or were let out – to roam the wilds. Now, multiple sightings confirm that their modern day descendants have evolutionarily regressed into mean, garden-rutting, golf course-plowing, bird nest-snatching omnivores armed with tusks, bad hair, and worse tempers. These freaks of nature, “feral pigs” resemble their cousin, wild boar.
The nature police says feral pigs are smart, one of the most destructive invasive species on the planet and…(cue the spooky music) they must be destroyed! They’re guessing there’s a pack of about 100 roaming Gloucester County – only three have been nabbed so far.

Oh, and they reproduce really fast! …And we’re worried about bears?
More bristly details, from The Star Ledger.
Photo courtesy of WNBC.com. More photos here.

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  1. Have you seen the little piggies
    Crawling in the dirt
    And for all the little piggies
    Life is getting worse
    Always having dirt to play around in.
    Have you seen the bigger piggies
    In their starched white shirts
    You will find the bigger piggies
    Stirring up the dirt
    Always have clean shirts to play around in.
    In their styes with all their backing
    They don’t care what goes on around
    In their eyes there’s something lacking
    What they need’s a damn good whacking.
    Everywhere there’s lots of piggies
    Living piggy lives
    You can see them out for dinner
    With their piggy wives
    Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

  2. The poor Gloucester pigs will cry wee-wee-wee all the way home. Why can’t we just leave the wild animals alone?

  3. Go ahead, laugh at the pigs. They have as much right to be here as you do. And they’re probably smarter than the average Baristanet poster. One day, you wait — they’ll be laughing at you.
    Save the pigs, nuke the people.

  4. I feel obligated to turn you in Mathilda, clearly your chant of “Save the pigs, nuke the people” will bring a wave of terrorist attacks.
    If that ain’t a Jihad rally cry, I don’t know what is.
    ****BREAKING NEWS****
    The Terror Alert Code has been raised to Khaki!!!

  5. We’re not laughing at the pigs, Mathilde. Many of us work on Wall Street: we are laughing with the pigs.

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