Pitchapalooza Comes Home to Montclair

UPDATE: Ok, the results are in for that copy of  The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published. After much deliberation (the judges truly had a hard time coming to a consensus) the person with the most polished pitch and the most salable story idea is…drum roll, please…billpatt.

We at Baristanet would love to see this story in print: “When the souls of damned labor lawyers unionized the oppressed demons of Hell, demons were given the right to vacation on Earth. Hilarity ensues.”

Congratulations billpatt! With your copy of The Essential Guide you are well on your way to realizing your dreams. All the rest of you keep working on those pitches. You have until Thursday to perfect them for Pitchapalooza.

In November, we left the cozy confines of Montclair and took our show on the road. From Miami Beach to Tinseltown, Steeltown to Stumptown, the Windy City all the way to the Big Apple, writers have pitched their books to us. In 1 minute. We’ve had everything from a 10-year-old girl to an 85-year-old immigrant, soccer moms to homeless dudes, doctors, lawyers, Goths and grannies.

We take it for granted that everyone in Montclair has already written a book, or plans to write one. But we didn’t realize exactly how much author mania has swept through America. In Naperville outside Chicago, 300 writers showed up at Anderson’s bookstore to pitch us their books. In tiny Chico, California over 200 people crammed into an art gallery to pitch us their books. In Huntington, Long Island, 200 writers showed up. As did the New York Times. We’ve seen America at its best: sometimes raw, sometimes polished; sometimes achingly beautiful sometimes ridiculously idiotic; sometimes hysterically funny and sometimes heartbreakingly sad. So we’re very curious to see, when we bring it back home, what Northern New Jersey’s best and brightest have to offer up. See you at the Public Library!

February 10, 2011, 7:00
The Montclair Public Library, 50 S. Fullerton, Montclair

With special guests: Dominck Anfuso (VP & Edior-in-Chief, Free Press/Simon & Schuster), Liza Dawson, agent extraordinaire (Liza Dawson Associates Literary Agency), & Pamela Redmond Satran, bestselling author/blogger (How Not To Act Old) & founder of MEWS

Arielle Eckstut has been a literary agent for 18 years. She is the author of seven books and the co-founder of the iconic brand, LittleMissMatched. David Henry Sterry is the best-selling author of 12 books. His last book appeared on the cover of the Sunday New York Times Book Review. Together, they wrote The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published, and they’ve helped dozens and dozens of talented amateur writers become published authors.

Find more information at www.thebookdoctors.com.

Baristanet has a copy of The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published. We’ll give it to the best one-sentence (or less) book idea we get, entered as a comment below. The winner will be selected at 5 p.m. on Monday, 2/7. We suggest the victor bring the book to the event to be signed by the authors. Enter your pitch in the comment section below.

Baristanet Local Offers

View More

Click here to sign up for Baristanet's free daily emails and news alerts.


  1. I aim to write a small book – perhaps with pictures – about this one ridiculous night in Coffee-Can Alley where best of buds Ghost and Toast went to a party. It was a hoot of a night – and – it deserves to be shared! Yep!

  2. This is wonderful for all those grim wordsmiths hunched over their laptops in Starbucks and the agents and publishers looking to buy their ideas on the cheap. For the rest of us, it’s notice to stay the hell away. It’s a not very well kept secret that writers are the least likable people on the planet, with the possible exception of would-be writers and, of course, artists. I would rather spend an evening among the untouchables of Calcutta in a back alley eating rice with my hands than have to endure a cocktail party with writers.

  3. I want to write a memoir and the title of my book will be a statement my Father said to me one Sunday morning after I graduated from college:

    ‘What good is a college education if you don’t go to church”.

  4. Now Hildy these people can use a little bit of sympathy. How would you like it to spend countless hours, days, years and be told over and over REJECTED!!?? Bummer!

  5. I kind of like writers myself and appreciate their effort and the final product although I suspect it’s torturous to write a book. One thing, though, about these wordsmiths is that they are always, always, always looking for feedback and approval, e.g., hoping and praying to get the featured comment on Bnet.

  6. In an effort to win the copy of The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published, my book idea is a children’s book which ties together the learning of phonics, reading, comprehension and multiculturalism to be read by children with their parents, caregivers, siblings or teachers.

  7. Hildy I feel so bad for you. There are 12 step programs that can help. The 1st step is admitting you have a problem. PS – Have you ever actually been to Calcutta? Or a cocktail party w/ writers? I have, & there’s really no comparison. One is unspeakable & true human misery. The other involves alcohol, speakable & fake human misery. Important in our Montclair bubble to respect the difference. (and agents don’t buy ideas from writers, they sell them to publishers & get 15%)

  8. Take the Tuscon thread as dialogue for a fictional 24 hour Baristaville cocktail party. 110 pages. A day in the life. Guaranteed to sell. A movie to follow.

  9. Hildy’s words seem particularly mean spirited. One wonders what motivates such ostensible rancor. Perhaps the sentiment related by S. Dali is instructive: the barometer of success is jealousy of the malcontents. I suggest Sterry & Eckstut gauge the commentary accordingly.

  10. Hildy still wins! PAZ Tubula Rasa comment is a close second. lulamame obviously has had her/his table usual table encroached on at Starbuck’s by someone with non-literary aspirations. So, save a seat for me Hildy, it’s off to Calcutta and an ocean away from the effete poseurs!

  11. The Essential Guide to Getting Your Book Published entry: When the souls of damned labor lawyers unionized the oppressed demons of Hell, demons were given the right to vacation on Earth. Hilarity ensues.

  12. Dead wrong Deadeye. I am not a member of the coffee table aspiring writer crowd, the people upon whom you so glibly heap ridicule. I am a casual reader of this community blog, taken aback by the incivility and vitriol of the remarks.

  13. Ridicule? Moi? I’m just a scientist who uses Starbucks as a laboratory for my research on the Infinite Monkey Theorem. May I suggest that you develop a sense of humor? It’s better than being a grim scold. 🙂

  14. Nope Deadeye, derision masquerading as comedy is never an occasion for humor. Let’s be honest. What we are dealing with here is snark. It has been described as the nasty pinkeye running through national discourse (Denby, ’09). But I will defend snark; defend witty, well worded commentary peppered with barbs that cut to the core of banality, venality, mendacity, or any other – ity that plagues mankind. Way superior to references to mother’s military foot ware, or say, suggestions of placements where the sun don’t shine, smartly articulated snark has the ability to stop one cold. The redeeming value of which is that bullsh*t, pretense or hypocrisy or just plain old boorishness may be effectively stymied. Otherwise, it simply ends up requiring a dose of antibiotic ointment even for local exchanges–and judging from your handle, you might want to be careful about your ophthalmologic status….HaHa.

  15. I’m trying to decide if there is more bull(*&^, pretense, hypocrisy or boorishness in lulamae’s post. Plenty of all, that’s clear.

    And there is a special place in hell for people who laugh at their own “witticisms” (Croi, ‘011).

  16. Lulamae, Welcome to the Threads. I just got out of my drum circle…bummer about the Steelers. Your rancor betrays your unfamiliarity with the general nature of the discourse here. Take a deep breath, or a Valium. I may enjoy this, but you seem to foam at the mouth. Not speaking for myself, but you are setting yoursrelf up for being excoriated by some of the wittier folks here that don’t suffer fools gladly.

  17. Thank you so much for the endorsement, Baristanet. Of all my works in progress, this was my favorite. I will get the book signed by the authors at Pitchapalooza.

    Again, thank you for choosing my pitch.

Comments are closed.