BLK is the New Black

So there I was at Kings on Valley Road in Upper Montclair, in the aisle with the water and the club soda, when I saw this solid black bottle.

“Cool” I thought. A revolutionary solid black plastic bottle in the water aisle. So I read the label and was surprised to learn that apparently, it’s the water that is black. Not the bottle.

They use something called fulvic acid to enrich the water with many micronutrients, trace minerals and more, and that’s what turns the water that color. It also says that it tastes like … regular water.

Under the observant scientific eye of Baristanatrix Debbie Galant I carefully poured some into my clearest crystal sauterne stemware. Yes, it really is the water that’s black, not the bottle. Cool!¬†Gingerly, I took a sip. Yes, it tasted exactly like water.

“This would make awesome ice cubes!” we posited. So I poured some into the tray. The icecubes themselves, once frozen, don’t look solid black anymore. Now they look more like smoky quartz.

I decided to see if the nourishing properties of smoky looking fulvic acid-enhanced ice cubes could bring new vigor to two of my plants…¬†a tired and rather frazzled-looking chrysanthemum, and this charming but sad little String of Pearls cactus.

I’ll let you know if the compost-like qualities of the fulvic acid enhanced water brings lush new growth to my flowers. Or me!

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14 COMMENTS

  1. Or the clear stuff that comes out of the tap and is more highly regulated than bottled water, as well as infinitely better for the environment?
    I so wish bottled water were outlawed.

  2. Deer Park for me…..only and yes, we recycle the bottle.

    What’s next? Purple Orange Juice ? This productis sure to fail.

  3. one of those Real Housewives of New Jersey’s families are behind this product; not the one who throws tables; and not the one in bankruptcy; and not the one with the hair extensions; the other one

  4. Hmmm, I dunno. I might be tempted to buy this around Halloween and freeze the ice cubes, along with Orangeade, to make some funky drink favors.

    But I can see the jokes now: “Hey, you want black water? Just dip your bottle into the Passaic.”

    Maybe they can get the Doobie Brothers to agree to use their song of the same name in an ad campaign?

  5. When I was in college, at the on-campus pub, for St. Patrick’s Day they beat-up a buch of GREEN Ketchup, for the burgers ‘N fries.
    Absolutely nobdy went near it.

  6. “….Oh Black Water, Keep On Rolling…”
    Be great to serve as water and as ice on Halloween, or at a Goth wedding!

  7. @ mandy939
    You are incredibly mistaken about the regulations. Like most americans you have been led to believe that bottled water is less regulated than tap (municpal) water. And, I don’t necessarily blame you, there is a ton of misinformation out there. According to FDA 21 CFR 165 (and 129, 101, 110, etc.), the bottled water annual testing requirements cannot be any less stringent than the EPA regualtions (which govern tap water). I have so many websites to provide you it is ridiculous. Here’s a direct link to the actual FDA regs: https://www.accessdata.fda.gov/scripts/cdrh/cfdocs/cfcfr/CFRSearch.cfm?fr=165.110. Any questions, I’ll be happy to explain…

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