The U.S. Census Bureau, ever sensitive to our needs, tells us this morning that if you still need a Valentine’s offering, New Jersey is home to 524 florists, and some 2756 supermarkets and specialty stores that stock blooms. Also, 135 candy and nut shops, and 2999 pharmacies, convenience, and general discount stores that sell candy gift selections. Plenty of Baristaville restaurants and eateries and shops have romance on order, too.
In other words, no excuse.
Which is terrific if you have a special romantic sweetie. But what if you don’t? Or like me, you and your honey have been married 24 years and think of February 14 as time of year right before you get seriously nervous about taxes?
I say not a problem. Valentine’s Day is also a good time to scroll through our history of lousy sweeties, whose behavior in retrospect make us glad a heart-shaped box is not coming our way.
Like the seventh grade boy who, after you’ve been “going out” (translation: making out in the woods when you should have been at the library) for two months, one day in the middle of lunch blurts, “I don’t like you no more.”
Like the college boyfriend, always too cheap to pay for two movie tickets, who, after you break up, sends three dozen red roses with a note that says, “Goodbye.” Honey, this was decades before quickcheapflowers.com.
Like the too handsome salesman you fell for at a conference who promises if you ever get to his home city, 3000 miles away, he’ll spend every waking minute with you, and then when you wrangle a business trip out there, you phone him (again, decades before texting; I am old!) only to find out he’s engaged.
Then there are the Valentine’s Days when your husband, love of your life, father of your children, gave you a bicycle helmet, ordered flowers online that were DOA, or the time when his card said “to someone special” and looked as if it was fished out of his 92-year-old mother’s all occasion card box, or — most grievous offense of all — the year you said you didn’t want anything and he believed you.
All of which puts V-Day in perspective, no? And why it’s okay that tonight I’ll be on the couch, sipping hot chocolate – no, let’s go batpoop crazy and have a glass of wine! – and doing nothing more romantic than watching some lame TV we can both agree on, or playing with Google’s Valentine’s Day interactive graphic. I know my husband will be right there next to me. How do I know? Because there’s no Devils game on tonight.
What about you? Better plans than me? Bad sweetheart stories to share? We’d love to hear.
Images: Flickr Creative Commons