The Other Day I Met A Bear (Montclair Version)

Montclair’s big news bear became an instant celebrity by 7 a.m. yesterday and had crowds watching his dramatic capture.

We’ve learned a lot about the Montclair bear. He was “old enough to be booted out by mom, and was looking for his own place.” We thought he looked like he had a lot on his mind:

Gawker was worried about the Montclair bear, too.

By midmorning, the 18 month old animal had been tranquilized, tagged, and, in classic Jersey fashion, given a tattoo he would not remember getting (for identification purposes).

The New York Times covered the Montclair bear saga (with photos from Baristanet – thanks Selma!) and analyzed the bear’s mercurial disposition:

The bear was in a backyard, looking bored. It was up a tree, looking reflective. It was in the street, looking sad.

OnEarth told us the bear visiting Montclair wasn’t that remarkable — “New Jersey has more black bears per square mile than anywhere in North America and bears have been spotted in all 21 counties.”

Still in Montclair, this bear felt special. The Montclair bear brought out half the town to watch his adventure and it almost felt like one big party, albeit a party where one of the guests is… well, o.k., a little dangerous. People gave him restaurant recommendations on Twitter. We gave him his own hashtag #bearistanet, but wondered how long it would take for this to happen. Yes, there was another Montclair bear sighting, this time on Twitter:

Of course, after saying goodbye to the Montclair bear, only to learn that he left behind friends(!), we really need a black bear cocktail! Holly promises one is coming, but first, here is her tribute in song (to the tune of “The Other Day I Met A Bear…”).

A Bear in Bearistaville

The other day, I met a bear, not in the woods, but in Montclair.

The bear was big, the bear was smart, he went to MAM to see the art.

The school got scared, they said beware, they warned the parents, about that bear.

He climbed the hill, up to Lloyd Road, to see that garage, built without code.

And so the town, it went to sleep, but when they did, so the bear did creep.

He smelled some pie, by Watchung Station, and also Rosario’s, who has nice bacon.

He heard New York, was a place to see, and so he tried to catch, the 6:53.

Josh Crandall, said “Sorry bear, if you want to ride, you need the fare.”

The bear was mad, the bear was bummed, so a tree he climbed, as the village hummed.

The people came to see that bear, they took pictures, of that bear up there.

And so they came, and tranqed’ the bear, he stared to fall, into the air.

Now don’t you fret, now don’t you frown, because they caught that bear, on his way down.

That’s all there is, there is no more, unless it’s true, there are some more!

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  1. He fell from the tree, hand over fist,
    while thanking the Montclair arborist.
    He hit the ground, in fits and jerks,
    thinking about Montclair Public Works.
    They scooped him up, ounce by ounce, stunned and ill,
    “What shall be done?” , asked the Township Council.
    “Let’s raise some revenue !” exclaimed the Township Mayor.
    We’ll get Pinnacle Properties to taxidermy her – and display her !
    It’ll make a fine lobby motif, in a 10-story condominium,
    They’ll sell like hotcakes, as they pay money up to see him!

  2. they stuffed him, and displayed him,
    inside the tall, slim, chic condominyum
    and the empty nesters began to be moovin-in.
    ..but the walls started to leak
    and the moldy bear began to reek,
    so Pinnacle had to be on their best behoov-in.
    They used his fur as a sealant,
    mixed with leftovers and dryer lint,
    so that the chic condo can, once again, be-agroovin.

  3. From high upon Mills he did embark,
    To climb a tree in Midland Park.
    He did not wax, he did not wane,
    Not even delay our eastbound train.

  4. But the lint didn’t work,
    the walls decomposed,
    And the condo resembled outer Hades.
    So Pinnacle turned on a dime,
    drinking vodka and lime,
    And they stuffed the leaky walls with cicadas.

  5. Snacking on Sheepy? nice touch, silverleaf. Since our friend sheepydoo is a big fan of the “right to …’bear’ …arms”.

  6. Yessiree STQ, that ol’ bear is up to his eyes in wool right about now.

    Ponder this while I contemplate sheepy’s exixtence . . .

    He made no muss, he made no fuss,
    He refused to ride the DeCamp bus.
    He came from the woods, he came from the thicket,
    He refused to buy that costly ticket.

  7. With old Sheepy digested,
    the bear slumped and rested,
    and dreamed of the gumbint stealing guns.
    He awoke in a start,
    and proceeded to f*rt
    And thought, “eating Sheepy is giving me the runs.”
    Pinnacle was not pleased,
    ‘cos whenever the bear sneezed,
    They thought, “what legacy will we leave to our sons?”
    They formed a limited trust,
    while the condo beams turns to rust,
    And, to save on taxes, sold their holdings to nuns.

  8. I love all of it. I will be taking all of this, publishing a book and claiming I wrote the whole thing.

    One problem, Silverleaf bears like sweet things not nasty and sour.

  9. Yes Holly, I see your point. Sheep does not a tasty dessert make.
    The poor bear must still be hungry.
    Will have to bring him a cherry pie from The Pie Store.

  10. ” He smelled some pie, by Watchung Station, and also Rosario’s, who has nice bacon. ”

    – this was just great – ‘Watchung Station – Bacon’- getting this to rhyme is just fantastic – nice job girls.

  11. This bear now known, this bear now famous,
    did nothing wrong, he did not shame us.
    The only Berra we had at all,
    was number 8, who played baseball.

  12. He made us smile, he made us laugh,
    He made us want to take a bath.
    Lots of thanks and lots of hugs,
    He made us forget about guns and thugs.

  13. At Pig & Prince he did retreat
    To get a bite of food to eat.
    And when the server brought his food,
    the bear said, “I ordered the rib-eye, not the salmon.”

  14. He stopped at Valero to fill his tires,
    It took not long, he was inspired.
    And when he went to drive away,
    The owner said, “Hey buddy, that’ll be twenty bucks.”

  15. This bear was sharp, this bear was smart,
    He read the classics, he knew the arts.
    And when we asked, “Oh please do tell.”
    He said, “Your school officials cannot spell.”

  16. The bear went to the library
    To get on line because you see
    He wanted to see his picture set
    On a local blog called Baristanet

    “They really did catch my best side
    They should be proud; I know they tried
    And now these folks deserve a drink
    A beary good one, don’t you think?”

  17. ‘Twas not was surprised when it was read
    That sheepy said, “I’m in your head.”
    I am not sad, I’ve not been beaten
    We all know that sheep’s been eaten.

  18. (Nellie continued)

    So have no fear
    And have no fright
    The sheep is gone
    Can sleep tonight

  19. Sheepy, you’re not in my “head”
    you’re just part of a rhyme,
    as you degrade into
    just another bear food enzyme.

  20. Very good STQ. Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve added a second stanza . . .

    And so degrade
    Within the tummy
    This sheepy entree
    It was so yummy

  21. Kay- Just go with it. We sang it at breakfast:

    My kids are sick, and I’m hosting a Toast, I will be the parent, who can drink the most.

    Now they are fighting, I’m on overload, if this doesn’t stop, it will explode.

    Now I must go, my kid is calling, from the nurses office, and she is balling.

    In shorts and Doc Martens, to Hillside I go, let’s hope she gets better, or this party will blow.

  22. “Ode to Sheepy”

    You were eaten by the bear
    The poster here, they do not care
    I’ve got feeling, I’ve got a hunch
    That Quayle and I did eat your lunch

  23. The 1st rule of Idiot Club is that your time must have absolutely no value. You have joined the ranks of walleroo, drama the guayle, cathcroi, jerseygirl and patgilleran.

    Welcome to the club.

  24. Good one, silverleaf. “Keep those gawdamn gumbint haynds off my ovine-mounted nukular-powered missile launcher”.

  25. Thanks Spiro.

    Recently seen at Edgemont Park
    Among cicada’s molting,
    Alas, my eyesight not so good
    Twas James Porter in sheeps clothing.

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