MontClairVoyant: Mixed ‘Welcome’ for Resolution Missing ‘Sanctuary City’

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

With the great swap event returning to Hillside School on Feb. 25, could you swap your usual format for a multiple-choice approach this week?

Sincerely,
Come Trade Away

A) Yes.
B) No.
C) Maybe.
D) I’d show up at Hillside with young-adult books but they’re 18 years old and now adult books.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Was the Township Council’s Feb. 21 resolution saying Montclair is a “welcoming community” rather than a “sanctuary city”

A) Just right.
B) Cautious.
C) Too cautious given Donald Trump’s blunt push against undocumented immigrants.
D) An homage to Wimpy of “Popeye”?

Sincerely,
Close But No Segar

“BC,” because the cruel Trump is setting back the U.S. more than 2,000 years. Not easy in a 241-year-old nation that began when George Washington saw the Studio Playhouse production of “1776.”


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Is that local theater’s current “Goldilocks on Trial” show:

A) Co-written by Taylor Swift and Franz Kafka.
B) Hilarious.
C) Porridge-y.
D) Well acted by a young cast that includes three bears feared by Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos?

Sincerely,
Brown Not Beige on Stage

For those who correctly chose answers B through D, DeVos is offering vouchers to see “Public Education on Trial” — a play consisting of nothing but non-rich students getting whacked by gavels. Modernist, I guess.



DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Did the Township Council use cautious wording in its 4-2-passed resolution because:

A) It fears losing federal money.
B) It fears losing federal dollars.
C) It fears losing federal funding.
D) It fears its thesaurus will be deported?

Sincerely,
Synonym of the Republic

There are always thesauruses online, on the Web, on the Internet, in cyberspace, in the digital realm, in —

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Shush! As mentioned at a recent Board of Education meeting, the minimal instruction time needed to achieve a decent level of proficiency in a language is:

A) 540 hours.
B) One nanosecond.
C) 327 years.
D) 327 beers?

Sincerely,
This Bud’s Asking You

Or however long it takes to peel a Mandarin orange.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Montclair’s new interim superintendent, slated to start March 17, is from:

A) Teaneck.
B) Coffeeneck.
C) Great Neck.
D) Mediocre Neck?

Sincerely,
Candice Bergen County

This is a family column, so stop the public necking or…get a room!

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
As the BOE’s Feb. 27 budget meeting nears, our school district’s 2017-18 budget may have a $6.9 million shortfall. Can our wonderful teachers and paraprofessionals be spared as much as possible?

Sincerely,
Ifs, Ands, and Cuts

Hmm…no final multiple-choice question. Perhaps it’s because Trump setting back the U.S. more than 2,000 years spurred you to trade the letters BC for AD at the Hillside swap.


Dave Astor is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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