MontClairVoyant: The Snow Was Whiter Than the Spines Some Politicians Lack

BY  |  Thursday, Feb 16, 2017 1:00pm  |  COMMENTS (0)


 
 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Wintry weather closed Montclair schools Feb. 9 and caused delayed openings Feb. 10 and 13. Were white supremacists thrilled to see our wonderfully multicultural town become so white?
Sincerely,
Flake News!

Yes, after which diversity-minded residents dropped to the ground to color the snow while reading “As I Lay Dyeing.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Hmm…Faulkner-like book title in a Montclair with a Faulkner system of government. Also on Feb. 10, hardworking NJ 11th for Change members presented Rodney Frelinghuysen’s Morristown office with printouts of the petition asking the Republican congressman to host a town hall. Were 10 million of the 2,700-plus signers from Montclair?
Sincerely,
A. Rithmetic

OMG — you’ve been snorting ground-up Pearson math worksheets again.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
There were 500-plus Montclair signers — the most of any 11th District town despite Rodney representing just the northern half of our burg. Will Frelinghuysen host a town hall?
Sincerely,
Rhea Clusive

Maybe in “The Time Machine” year of 802,701 — after he visits the past to meet his moderate self. Former Rodney: “Hi.” Current Rodney: “Hi.” FR: “Why all the Trump-like votes that don’t represent your constituents’ views?” CR: “If I don’t cave to the far right, they’ll get me!” FR: “Show some backbone!” CR: “I no longer have a spine.” FR: “Create a new one with a 3D printer.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And I doubt Current Rodney will attend any of the four NJ 11th for Change-hosted town halls between Feb. 19-23. But isn’t it nice that the state assembly’s education committee voted overwhelmingly Feb. 13 to ditch the requirement of taking the deeply flawed PARCC test to graduate high school?
Sincerely,
Slam Against Exam

Yay! If the full assembly and senate also spike that bad idea, I’ll see “Goldilocks on Trial” at Studio Playhouse and then walk a few feet to Acme to buy those legislators a mango.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Hey — no “pay to play”! Speaking of money, what about our school district’s projected budget deficit?
Sincerely,
Sum of All Fears

My column will discuss that Feb. 23 — birthday of the renowned W.E.B. Du Bois, who, unlike our school district, has a surplus. Of initials.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Montclair’s library and the Yogi Berra Museum have great new directors. What if they swapped jobs?
Sincerely,
Catcher in the Wry

There’d be a baseball team with Isabel Allende, Margaret Atwood, Lee Child, Fannie Flagg, Barbara Kingsolver, Cormac McCarthy, Toni Morrison, J.K. Rowling, Zadie Smith, and Donna Tartt — because their novels ain’t over till they’re over.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Any last words before this column is over?
Sincerely,
End of the Insouciance

Expect another huge turnout at Tuesday’s meeting of the Township Council, which will hopefully vote to make Montclair a sanctuary city. The Feb. 21 weather forecast? Partly cloudy with a chance of doing the right thing.

 

 

 Dave Astor is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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