MontClairVoyant: Gridlock on Montclair’s Main Block is a Future Shock to Mock

BY  |  Thursday, Apr 06, 2017 2:30pm

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Last week, you said the too-big future “arts complex” will make Montclair’s downtown even more crammed. What else might happen in that area?

Sincerely,
Ann T. Crowding

Drivers stuck in Bloomfield Avenue traffic will mutter four-letter words other than “arts.”

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Care to list any of those words?

Sincerely,
Write in Curse-ive

Hel-LO? This Baristanet site includes a “Family” section.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Take the “o” out of “hello” and you have Montclair’s 2017-18 school budget. How can I thank our governor for the tax-hike cap and state-aid underfunding that will cost paraprofessionals and others their jobs?

Sincerely,
Cutbacks to the Future

Send him a simple, tasteful card saying what Bloomfield Avenue drivers will be muttering.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Don’t we also have Chris Christie’s cost-cutting and anti-mass-transit mindset to partly thank for New Jersey’s latest train mishap on April 3?

Sincerely,
Montclair-Ruined-It Line

Ironic that he has the same initials as Choo Choo Charlie.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I did not know Charles Dickens worked for NJ Transit! At least Montclair’s Board of School Estimate slightly increased our district’s 2017-18 budget at its March 30 meeting. Will the increase, along with possible retirements, save some jobs?

Sincerely,
We Don’t Need No Education…Losses

Fingers crossed. Whitch maykes itt hardd tu tipe cawectly.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Does your daughter have that same keyboarding problem when taking the PARCCs?

Sincerely,
There’s No Place like Chrome(book)

Actually, we opted her out for several reasons — including the way those tests steal time from valuable and creative learning. I realize “steal” is a strong word, so you can replace it with: Filch! Pilfer! Purloin! Trump-er-size!

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And what about State Senate President Stephen Sweeney, a Democrat, not allowing the bill ending the PARCC graduation requirement to be voted on after the State Assembly overwhelmingly passed it?

Sincerely,
A Chicken in Every Despot

SO contemptuous of majority opinion. Sweeney must be afraid that a likely Senate “yes” vote would anger Christie, Pearson the profit-obsessed PARCC producer, and The Dictatorial Gods (which would be a great name for a rock band).

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
To urge Sweeney to allow a vote, an April 20 rally is planned at his office in Thorofare. What’s the meaning of that New Jersey town’s unusual name?

Sincerely,
Ann T. Parccmom

I think “Thorofare” is Martian for “Democrat who acts like a Republican.”

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What phrase describes a formerly moderate Republican who, despite being successfully pressured to oppose the GOP’s vile healthcare plan last month, still sides mostly with Trump and the far right?

Sincerely,
11th District Attorney

“Yendor Nesyuhgnilerf.” (That’s Rodney Frelinghuysen spelled backward.)

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The congressman did FINALLY agree to meet with NJ 11th for Change — some of whose members saw him yesterday (April 5) after a long bus trip to Washington. Comment?
Sincerely,
Dee C. Confab

That amazing group’s hard work and creativity paid off again! Rodney still hasn’t agreed to a town hall, but anything’s possible. Heck, maybe Frelinghuysen will join Joan Baez for a protest song when she’s inducted tomorrow (April 7) into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

 

 

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Featured Comment

It's a shame that this happened. Michael Pavel came up with a plan for Charlie Brown's that worked out great and lived up to his presentations. Following it up with this is like a movie director who makes a movie that wins the Best Picture Oscar and follows it up with a film that gets ten Razzie nominations. :(

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