MontClairVoyant: Fidget Spinners, Unicycling Unicorns, and Weirdly Named Dogs

BY  |  Thursday, Jun 15, 2017 1:15pm

MontClairVoyant

 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
A small number of developers are doing most of the overbuilding in Montclair. How did those rich guys become our town’s “permanent government” of sorts?

Sincerely,
Self-Selected, Not Elected

It’s bad enough that they “purchased” their power by owning so much local land, but naming all their pets Variance is causing confusion at Brookdale’s dog park.

 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Will you send those developers a holiday card this December?

Sincerely,
C. Zunz-Greetings

Yes, if I find one saying “STOP THE OVERBUILDING MADNESS OR YOU’LL FILL SANTA WITH SADNESS.” I’m confident Hallmark will come through.

 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Speaking of overbuilding, the huge “arts district” project on/near Seymour Street was discussed at the June 12 Planning Board meeting — where a traffic engineer minimized the awful and dangerous traffic to come. Comment?

Sincerely,
Credibility Gap

No surprise given that the engineer was speaking on behalf of the developers. Apparently, the roads in that area will have nothing but unicorns on unicycles, wearing sparkly tiaras.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And keeping traffic at an allegedly manageable level partly depends on money from the county, which in turn is dependent on federal money it might not get from a Trump administration bent on slashing anything socially positive. Scary, huh?

Sincerely,
Donald Ducks Decency

Yes, unicorns on unicycles wearing sparkly tiaras are scary. It’s sort of a clown thing.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, people packed the June 7 Board of Education meeting to criticize those dozens of devastating school-district layoffs. Will the BOE use every penny saved by retirements to rehire some staffers?

Sincerely,
Back in the Future

Don’t know, but it’s the moral and necessary thing to do. I did say last month that the BOE could spend a small amount on fidget spinners — some of which are now steering wheels in cars.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What happens when a fidget-spinner-steering-wheel-using parent turns left?

Sincerely,
Roads Scholar

She denounces Gov. Christie for budget policies that starve public school districts of funding even as state money flows to charter schools and to the few unicycling unicorns who vote Republican. They think Trump is a fellow magical creature.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Enough of unicorns on unicycles! Meanwhile, Montclair might not have an interim superintendent until the 2018-19 school year, which is not good because interims don’t get publicly vetted by parents before being hired!

Sincerely,
A. Noyd and A. Pauled

Promote a great district person (perhaps a principal) to permanent superintendent, or hire Wonder Woman and film her movie sequel in the George Inness Annex. Do I have to paint a picture?
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
You could paint a copy of Inness’ “Summer, Montclair” while wondering if some BOE members don’t want public vetting of a superintendent. Meanwhile, how did you stay cool during the hot near-summer days of June 12 and 13?

Sincerely,
Theodora Thermometer

By name-dropping current pop-music stars.

 

 
 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

 

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I've been driving the Marlboro Inn around town for the past 12 years, looking for a suitable relocation site. Any ideas?

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