MontClairVoyant: Presenting…Harry Potter and the Chamber of Montclair

BY  |  Thursday, Jul 13, 2017 1:30pm

MontClairVoyant
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I hear your younger daughter is VERY into “Harry Potter” these days. Can she confirm or deny that she’s now reading book number five?

Sincerely,
‘Phoenix’ in New Jersey

She takes the fifth (wherever she goes).
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Do you recall “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling visiting Montclair Kimberley Academy in 1999?

Sincerely,
Seems Like a Century Ago

Thrilled she was in our town, but many fans were bummed that she spoke at a private school rather than one of Montclair’s superb public schools. At least “He Who Must Not Be Named” (Newt Gingrich) wasn’t at MKA.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
If you really want to chuckle, look at the Facebook page recently started by the co-developers of the huge, hated Lackawanna Plaza redo. Full of laughably positive “spin,” eh?

Sincerely,
Project Has Chris Christie-Level Support

But that page also includes great comments against the proposed redo that are as smart as Hermione Granger, who never used her magic wand as a selfie stick.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The Lackawanna Plaza redo would be much larger than Montclair High’s amphitheater. With all the recent discussion about whether graduation should move to a bigger venue, where do you stand?

Sincerely,
Sermon on the Mountie

Not enough room for everyone to stand (or sit) in the amphitheater. Heck, my wife and I had tickets to my older daughter’s 2007 graduation, but couldn’t fit in that packed place. To quote Moaning Myrtle, “I was disTRAUGHT!”
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Also the case with other parents forced to sit in Montclair High’s auditorium and watch their kids get diplomas on closed-circuit TV — even as many siblings and grandparents sit in the amphitheater. Is there a solution?

Sincerely,
Space: The Final Front Tier

Temporary bleachers on a blocked-off Park Street, where spectators could catch a Quidditch golden snitch or snag an Aaron Judge home run hit at miles-away Yankee Stadium: “The House That Ruth (Bader Ginsburg) Built.”
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Um…”The House That Ruth Built” refers to legendary slugger BABE Ruth. You know, “The Sultan of Swat,” “The Colossus of Clout,” “The Bambino”…

Sincerely,
A Bronx Tale

Nicknames! Also, Harry Potter is “The Boy Who Lived” and Montclair’s developers are “The Oligarchs of Overbuilding,” “The Denizens of Density,” “The Moguls of Massiveness,” “The Barons of Bulk,” and “The Viceroys of Variances.”

 

 
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Speaking of sports, what will you do if the nasty/far-right/Montclair-hating Gov. Christie becomes a regular WFAN radio host?

Sincerely,
Mike N. Montclair

I’d stop listening to the station — despite liking Joe Benigno, Evan Roberts, Steve Somers, and the former “Mike and the Mad-Eye” show.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
That’s “Mad DOG”! But when anyone criticizes Christie, it should be for his unkindness and awful policies, not his weight. Hey — did you forget about the July 10 Planning Board and Board of Education meetings?

Sincerely,
Smattering of Gatherings

I was out of touch with local news because of a family reunion attended by no Weasleys.
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Well, the PB opposes the Township Council’s power play on behalf of the greedy Lackawanna Plaza developers, and wants a smaller project and other changes. Comment?

Sincerely,
TC Led by MD! (Mayor/Developer)

The PB seems to be temporarily growing a spine — perhaps with help from Skele-Gro. Buy that fictitious “Harry Potter” product at a Montclair CVS with a coupon from one of those 10-mile-long register receipts!
 

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
BOE meeting highlights?

Sincerely,
Edna and Ed U. Cation

Many superintendent candidates! (It’s about time.) Don’t track students at Renaissance! (It’s about fairness.) Bullock is no longer a “Focus School”! (Great, but its building still looks weird.) Improve sex ed! (WWHD: What Would Hogwarts Do?)

 

 
 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

 

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Featured Comment

Sad. Let's hope that this is not its "Last Tango." One of the most beautiful and iconic buildings in town. Valentino, Garbo, Keaton must have played there.

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