MontClairVoyant: All the ‘Fake News’ That’s Fit to Print (or Post Online)

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

I’m upset that centrist congressional Democrats spinelessly agreed to end the federal government shutdown Jan. 22 without striking a better deal with Republicans. Entertain me!

Sincerely,
Capitulation Exasperation

I’ll do that with some “fake news” about Montclair, which turns 150 this year. Each false factoid you’re about to read (among some true statements) had Trump’s seal of approval…until his adult sons shot the seal. Your move, PETA.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The “clair” in Montclair and the “Clare” in Claremont Avenue are spelled differently because A) there was no spellcheck in 1868, B) there was spellcheck in 1868 but no computers to use it on, or C) there were computers in 1868 but no outlets to plug them into.

Sincerely,
Clair-y Anderson

No one gives a hoot about any of that after so many Montclair women admirably participated in Jan. 20’s great marches in Morristown and Manhattan — the latter locale known as “The Glen Ridge of NYC” for being long and thin.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Why do some Montclair streets have no sidewalks?

Sincerely,
All Things Must Grass

The sidewalks were A) laid off during 2008’s economic meltdown, B) defeated by Belgian-block curbs in the legendary Battle of Very Hard Things, or C) at Jan. 22’s Board of Education meeting making concrete statements.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Why is the sidewalk wider on the eastern side of Carteret Street?

Sincerely,
Width or Width Out You

That sidewalk A) symbolizes the unfortunate gap in the way white and black students can be treated — as noted at the last two BOE meetings, B) was auditioning to be part of Anderson Park, or C) wanted to accommodate drunk toddlers weaving on their tricycles.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

What should NOT be done with Fairfield Street’s historic metal hitching posts?

Sincerely,
Neighs in the Neighborhood

They should not be A) repurposed as Harry Potter wands, B) magnetized to pull every Montclair magnet school toward that street, or C) moved to the BOE meeting room, where horses might have munched on the Jan. 22 handout that listed the amount of very important recess time at each school.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

What were some major Montclair events of 1908?

Sincerely,
Theodore Roosevelt

A) Nishuane School opened. B) There was the 90th pre-anniversary of the great 1998-founded Sister to Sister mentoring program for female students in Montclair. C) Cravings for no sushi were satisfied with no Japanese restaurants in town.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Did our town ever have four CVS outlets?

Sincerely,
More of a Store

A) You’re thinking of the CVS that Montclair’s Buzz Aldrin saw on the moon in 1969. B) A fourth CVS could’ve sold tissues to tearful people lamenting the Bellevue Theatre’s closing as they watched Lisanne Renner’s Jan. 17 talk about that building’s rich history. C) CVS is open 24/7, so there may have been 31 of them in Montclair.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Seriously, folks, as to that question about why the sidewalk is so wide along Carteret south of Anderson Park: That’s because engineers put Toney’s Brook underground along Carteret as it travels between Anderson Park and Edgemont Park.

  2. Thank you for that fascinating information, FriendsOfAndersonPark! I had no idea! I walk to/in/from beautiful Anderson Park several times a week, and wondered about that unusually wide sidewalk. (I guess the homeowners there have a little more shoveling to do in the winter… 🙂 )

  3. “The Oakcroft Residential Park Area was developed between 1904 and 1946. The area consists of two-to- three story single-family houses built in a wide variety of traditional styles, including Tudor Revival, Queen Anne, Craftsman, and Colonial Revival. The area was advertised in the early 1900s as the ideal suburban residential development, and is still characterized today by its large lots, deep front yards, low density, and tree-lined streets. Wood, brick, stucco, and concrete are the primary architectural materials. The 1982 “Preservation Montclair” survey forms note several individual properties of special significance within the area, including astronaut Edwin Eugene (Buzz) Aldrin Jr.’s childhood home at 25 Princeton Place.”
    – Montclair 2016 HP Master Plan Element

    The Township’s Historic Preservation Commission’s passed a resolution last night for a study of area for historic recognition. FYI (in case you didn’t;t already know)

  4. Thank you, Frank! I didn’t know about the HPC resolution, and I appreciate all the information you posted about that neighborhood. I hope it does get historic recognition.

    Every time I walk to/in/from Anderson Park for exercise, I go down Oakcroft — a rather quirky street bordering the railroad tracks. I also sometimes take little detours onto Godfrey, Carteret, Edgemont Road, Princeton Place, etc. Definitely an appealing neighborhood. (And Buzz Aldrin lived VERY close to Anderson Park.)

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