MontClairVoyant: When Spring Break’s Not Newsy, Quips Can Luxuriate in a Jacuzzi

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT, 
There have been many historic events since Montclair last had a permanent schools superintendent in 2015 — a LONG three years ago. Can you name one event?

Sincerely,

Time Aprils On

Trump became Liar-in-Chief, Racist-in-Chief, Sexist-in-Chief, Polluter-in-Chief, and more — belying the notion that he can’t multitask.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
One reason the superintendent search took so long is that the Board of Education preferred getting things right over doing things fast. Yet the process has been chaotic AND slow. The worst of both worlds?

Sincerely,
Trying to Reach the Hire Ground

Yes, as in Earth and Mars. On the latter planet, visiting superintendents get oxygen tanks as a perk.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, the Zoning Board of Adjustment is skeptical of Steven Plofker’s (dead?) proposal to build huge townhouses on church land near the main library. Is it because those townhouses would jam, cram, crowd, and congest that neighborhood?

Sincerely,

Plymouth Street Blues

Drop the thesaurus! Put down that book containing synonyms! Let go of that reference guide to similar words!

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Whatever. Can you believe Plofker and his attorney, Alan Trembulak, said the huge townhouses could be a place for homeowners looking to downsize? If that’s downsizing, how big are the houses those homeowners would sell?

Sincerely,
Rich Richer III

So big they joined the very few things on Earth visible from outer space, including The Great Wall of China and Nauna’s 16-inch pizzas. (Before they’re eaten.)

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Speaking of the library, there are many positives in the plans to renovate the main branch and add to the Bellevue branch. But where would the needed $13 million come from?

Sincerely,
Price E. Construction

Originally, the federal Bureau of Engraving and Printing, which produces paper money.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, it was mentioned at a recent BOE meeting that black rubber bits from artificial-turf fields can be a health hazard for kid athletes. Thoughts?

Sincerely,
Paint It Black

I thought those bits were from soccer-ball-sized peppercorns.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
In your first Q&A, you were VERY insulting to Trump. The Commander-in-Chief deserves the respect of no derisive nicknames!

Sincerely,
He’s Smarter Than Some Rocks

Did you mean to say the Philanderer-in-Chief?

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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