MontClairVoyant: Climate Change, BOE Change, and Stairway Change

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Did you agree with the decision to close schools early on September 6 due to the high heat and humidity?

Sincerely,
First Day: Thirst Day

Notice of that early dismissal could’ve been sent out sooner, but yes I agreed. It’s hard to learn when things are too hot, which explains why Montclair doesn’t have a 12th public school in the Sahara Desert.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Effective September 7, Franklin Turner resigned from the Board of Education after David Herron questioned whether Turner was a continual Montclair resident during the past few years. Comment?

Sincerely,
Geographic Novel

Kudos to Mr. Herron for filing a complaint with the state. Heck, our town is strict about students living in town — to the point where Joe Schlbxzbywqp was kicked out of Renaissance after walking there each day from Montclair, California.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Back to air-conditioning. All public schools not in Antarctica should have it, but how could that be afforded in Montclair and elsewhere?

Sincerely,
AC More

If Antarctica and the Sahara were put on trucks to swap geographic places — emulating the Crane House’s 1965 relocation from Glenridge Avenue to Orange Road — we could sell tickets to watch the transporting.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Won’t high heat get even worse as Trump, congressional Republicans, and other right-wingers continue to criminally deny or minimize the terrible reality of climate change?

Sincerely,
Et Tu Pollutus

I blame the marshmallow lobby for wanting people to have the option of roasting those puffy treats everywhere.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
It’s a shame — if the U.S. reduced its obscenely high military spending by even a fraction of one percent, there’d be enough money to install AC in every public school in the country and in…

Sincerely,
Dee Fense

…the Sahara, where a Clary Anderson satellite arena could be built if DeCamp started a bus route for Montclair skaters to get there.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Why did the DeCamp bus cross the ocean?

Sincerely,
Ty Tanic

To get to the other side.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Aren’t you thinking of a chicken?

Sincerely,
Cluck Finn

No, it crossed the road: specifically Chestnut Street to visit Montclair High — where, after witnessing the stairway collapse that closed the school for two days, it pondered whether our district had inspected and maintained the building properly. Finally, the chicken continued on to Bruce Road to see Springsteen sing “Born to Run (from KFC).”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The chicken crossed from the 10th to the 11th congressional district?

Sincerely,
Gerry Mander

Yes, where it put up yet another Mikie Sherrill sign in support of her campaign to succeed Rodney Frelinghuysen. Ms. Sherrill lives in Montclair, while Rodney (mentally) lives in Trumpland.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Frelinghuysen has a poor record fighting climate change, does he not?

Sincerely,
Awful Awful

He does. So we have the elected-in-1994 Rodney partly to “thank” for the global warming that makes our public schools so hot. Too bad he wasn’t voted out in ’96…early dismissal!

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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