MontClairVoyant: A July 4th Parade of Topics Isn’t Always a Picnic

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Today is July 4! Why should I read this column when I could be watching Montclair’s wonderful parade, picnicking in Edgemont Park, and taking in the fireworks at Yogi Berra Stadium?

Sincerely,
Self-Evident Truth

Because you asked a question and expect an answer. Given the worsened drainage at the expensively renovated Edgemont, I hope you enjoyed history’s first underwater picnic.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I do like my potato chips soggy. Anyway, the parade started not far from the ugly/too-big Valley & Bloom complex, which has the marketing slogan “A Place to Live, Work & Bloom.” What’s up with that?

Sincerely,
Aka “Potato Drips”

Obviously, people exiting V&B have flowers growing out of their heads.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Speaking of Edgemont (the school rather than the park), are you glad Jeffrey Freeman has officially been named principal — even as Montclair is reeling from too many principal and assistant principal changes?

Sincerely,
Switched at Berth

Yes. My older daughter had Mr. Freeman as a high school teacher, and he was excellent. Even the Edgemont geese are applauding, though they might just be shaking soggy potato chips off their wings.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Is the Township Council to be applauded for its recent gun-violence-awareness proclamation?

Sincerely,
Every Death You Take

Yes, but I wish the TC would also take a stand on certain things it has more influence on — such as opposing local overdevelopment and Essex County’s cruel immigrant jail. No wonder Edgemont geese don’t visit the Council Chambers.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The county Board of Chosen Freeholders voted June 26 to provide $750,000 in legal services for people held in that immigrant jail — which has been slammed for detainee abuse, solitary confinement, and rotting food. A good decision?

Sincerely,
Incarceration Abomination

Again, yes. But the Freeholders haven’t denounced the jail itself — perhaps because county Democratic officials like the federal money pouring in from the nasty, far-right, Republican-controlled ICE. Perhaps the Freeholders think Spike Lee’s movie was “Do the WRONG Thing.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Dozens of Montclair residents did the right thing June 28 when they protested at a Cory Booker fundraiser in Belleville co-hosted by Essex County Executive Joseph DiVincenzo, who has championed the inhumane jail. How does anyone whose dominion profits from suffering sleep at night?

Sincerely,
Bed, Wrath & Beyond

Horizontally, I guess.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The Township Council did the wrong thing in denying Renee Baskerville the deputy mayorship when her turn in the rotation came up — instead choosing Rich McMahon for that mostly honorary post. Can you suggest a compromise?

Sincerely,
Title Search

The two could be co-deputy mayors, or each serve in that post for six months. Also, given that the mayor appoints Board of Education members, can a deputy mayor appoint deputy BOE members? Inquiring minds don’t want to know.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, there’s a plan to slice a single-home High Street property into lots for three homes, with the two proposed new homes needing variances for being on too-small parcels. Comment?

Sincerely,
Going Low on High

If developers keep watching the Rush song “Subdivisions” on YouTube, their Internet privileges will be revoked.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I prefer gazing at the annual Montclair water report I received in the mail on July 1. Can things get any more exciting than knowing the level of Methyl Tert Butyl Ether?

Sincerely,
Turbidity S. Jones

Methyl Tert Butyl Ether would make a great name for a rock band — that hopefully doesn’t play “Subdivisions.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Getting back to Montclair’s July 4th parade, what’s the most interesting antique car ever driven in it?

Sincerely,
Spectator Tots

The 1776-model-year Jefferson roadster — an early hybrid fueled by human rights yet sadly equipped with white-male-power steering.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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