MontClairVoyant: This ‘Spirit’-ed Halloween Column Is Not ‘Ghost’-Written

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Happy Halloween! Is it a good omen to see a new website for the much-missed Bellevue movie theater, which will reopen at some point?

Sincerely,
The Internetz

Yes, it is…”ring-ring”…oops, my doorbell. Must be a trick-or-treater. (Opens front door.) “Nice Trump costume! Love the ‘Corruption Eruption’ button! Here, have a Big Mac Chewy Bar.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
But isn’t the redesigned Bellevue going to be too high-end? Fancy seats, upscale drinks, very techy, possibly pricey…

Sincerely,
Dee Luxe

Good points, but I’ll take any kind of reopened Bellevue. That’s because…”ring-ring”…excuse me, more trick-or-treaters. “Ooh…impressive — Trump’s cabinet members all dressed as Satan! You ‘New Jersey Devils’ you!”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Black cats and all other animals loved Dr. George Cameron, who’ll be honored at a fundraising retirement party this Sunday, November 3, after 49 years as a Montclair veterinarian. How much will he be missed?

Sincerely,
Local Legend

As much as…”ring-ring”…trick-or-treaters again. “Wow — you’re costumed as the three wooden enclosures in Cameron Animal Hospital’s waiting room! Explains why you lumbered up my walkway…”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Planks for the pathetic pun. Dr. Cameron reminds me of who Montclair’s true heroes and heroines are. People such as medical professionals and public school teachers — yes! Major developers and some Montclair politicians and officials — not so much. Comment?

Sincerely,
Mr. Rogers Said ‘Look for the Helpers’

My comment is…”ring-ring”…hold on a sec, here are trick-or-treaters dressed as 2020 Township Council candidates! “I love your slate’s slogan: ‘We’ll Make Montclair Better, Like This Week’s Rain Made Claremont Avenue Wetter.'”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Then, on November 16, there’ll be a fundraising 20th-anniversary celebration for IMANI — the important nonprofit organization that provides academic support for less-affluent Montclair students. Thoughts?

Sincerely,
I Said ‘Look for the Levelers’

An excellent…”ring-ring”…yowza — trick-or-treaters dressed as streetlights! “Montclair needs more of you, especially with such strong illumination! You’re the best…and the brightest.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Teachers and other Montclair Education Association members reportedly received their long-delayed raises today, October 31. Reaction?

Sincerely,
The Late Show

About time they…”ring-ring.” The next group of trick-or-treaters are at the door. “Hey, you’re costumed as competent Central Office people! I’m not buying it…”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Well, some CO administrators and staffers have been competent and some haven’t. But what do you think of there being no retroactive pay yet for MEA members?

Sincerely,
Waiting for G’Dough

Not a good…”ring-ring.” Huh? “You say you didn’t trick-or-treat at my place since 2015 and now you want years of retroactive candy? Not remotely comparable to the MEA situation but…sounds fair.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What about Montclair High’s stairways getting repaired and approaching normalcy?

Sincerely,
Norma on Normal Avenue

Things were looking promising until…”ring-ring”…a trick-or-treater dressed as a newly problematic stair on Stairwell 12 near the amphitheater! “Yikes — given that 12 is a dozen, you’re a sequel to the Montclair-based ‘Cheaper By the Dozen’!”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Um…you live in an apartment and get virtually no trick-or-treaters. Is it safe to say that today’s column is fictional?

Sincerely,
Enna Meofthepeople

Busted! “Ring-ring”…here are some trick-or-treaters costumed as columnists who make up things, and — yuk! gross! — they’re holding an assortment of cerebral matter! “Say, can I pick your brains?”

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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