MontClairVoyant: No Column Flow Other Than ‘Go, Dog. Go’

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DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Give us a column today in which each Q&A is a different topic. No overall theme. No segues. Go!

Sincerely,
Sy Lowe in a Silo

Go? As in the “Go, Dog. Go!” children’s book? A complex work, with shades of Dostoevsky and George Eliot. Not a roman a clef, but there’s psychological nuance, social realism, and a touch of the Gothic. Literary scholars have —

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Woof! Did you vote Tuesday even though it was a “minor” election?

Sincerely,
Welcome to the Machines

Uh-oh — I voted despite not being a minor. In fact, I’m way over 18. But if a 30-year-old voted twice, it would be like two 15-year-olds voting, right?

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
The interim superintendent said Montclair Education Association members will receive retroactive pay “by the end of December.” Why such a long wait, and should they get interest on that money?

Sincerely,
Sal A. Reeze

Yes to the second question. As for the first question, it will take a while for our school district’s Central Office staffers to roam Montclair households collecting yellow hundred-dollar bills from Monopoly games.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Two female Montclair High security officers filed a lawsuit charging male staffers at the school with sexual harassment and more. Comment?

Sincerely,
Reaction to Yet Another Legal Action

If true, toxic masculinity rears its ugly head again. Some men need to just STFU. (Oops! For you young and innocent “Go, Dog. Go!” readers, STFU stands for…um…”Sneak The Fort Up” after mom and dad go to bed.)

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Hey — I detected a thematic connection between the first and fourth answers! Anyway, is it good that Montclair is launching a campaign against overly aggressive driving?

Sincerely,
V. Ickels

Of course. I was once tailgated so closely I ended up wearing the glasses of the speeding driver behind me. Very unsafe; he had a different prescription.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
After seeing “Superior Donuts” at Montclair’s Studio Playhouse on November 3, would you urge people to catch one of the last three performances tonight (November 7), tomorrow, or Saturday?

Sincerely,
Inferior Twinkies

I would! Excellent acting, a compelling story that crosses racial and generational lines, and even a dramatic fight scene with “blood.” Coincidentally, nearby Acme is low on salsa.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
A Better Lackawanna (ABL) will hold an event November 16, from 10:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., to raise awareness and funds after having filed a lawsuit with 201 plaintiffs over the very flawed Lackawanna Plaza plan that includes a Lidl supermarket. Event location?

Sincerely,
201 Area Code of Honor

Montclair Brewery on Walnut near the Farmers Market — where ABL will also have a presence that Saturday. Expect live music at the fundraiser, but don’t expect songs from the Alanis Morissette-ish album “Jagged Lidl Pill.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Pulitzer Prize-winning author Jhumpa Lahiri is speaking at Montclair State on November 18. Do you like her work?

Sincerely,
Writer of Wrongs

I do, including her novels “The Namesake” and “The Lowland.” Highland Avenue residents got vertigo reading the latter.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

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