MontClairVoyant: Food for Thought, Whether Free or Bought

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Could you do a column about food? You know, the stuff we swallow in addition to printouts of MapQuest directions when we’re finished with them?

Sincerely,
Take the Digestive Tract South

Stop living in the past and use a GPS or smartphone. Either will guide you from your refrigerator to the stove.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
If it stands, the Trump regime’s move to drastically reduce food-stamp spending will hurt people everywhere. Heck, didn’t a recent Facebook post by Montclair’s Human Needs Food Pantry say many of its clients would be affected?

Sincerely,

Cruel Ghoul

It did. Republicans in DC call themselves Christians yet slash taxes for the rich and then yank food from lower-income Americans, including children. WWJD: What Would Jesus Do? Not that. WWJD: What Would Jerks Do? That.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The Montclair NAACP as well as other entities and people have been working to encourage more potentially eligible students to apply for free or reduced-price lunches in our school district. Happy about that effort?

Sincerely,
More Than a Meal-ing

Yes. It’s obviously harder to learn when hungry. Not sure why rich-kid Trump didn’t learn much at school decades ago when he never missed a meal. Maybe he was depressed that the Big Mac wouldn’t be invented until 1967.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, The Office Beer Bar & Grill closed December 1 after several decades on Bloomfield Avenue. Your reaction?

Sincerely,
Din-Din Situation

As a vegetarian who doesn’t drink, The Office wasn’t my thing. But I hope it’s replaced by another mid-priced restaurant rather than a fancy eatery like Faubourg or upscale housing. (Actually, I do drink…water.)

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Are there any Montclair restaurants you miss a lot?

Sincerely,
Gone But Not Forgotten

Sure. One of them was Taj Palace, across the street from Whole Foods until a 2010 fire. I enjoyed three of the following four foods there: naan bread, samosas, vegetable biryani, and Tandoori Skittles.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Speaking of downtown establishments, what have you done since the valet-parking area in front of The Crosby forced drivers to navigate a narrower Glenridge Avenue?

Sincerely,
Crosby, Stills & Gnash

I made my car thinner by putting it on a diet of low-fat gasoline.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
You mentioned Whole Foods. Do you shop there?

Sincerely,
Aka Whole Paycheck

Minimally. Too pricey for me. I go to Acme — mediocre, but close to my apartment and rarely crowded. I do wish they’d fix their floor after the recent redo; when I tried to knock down 10 soup cans, my bowling ball didn’t roll straight.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What about the Lidl supermarket coming to Lackawanna Plaza, the deeply flawed redevelopment that’s the subject of a very legitimate lawsuit?

Sincerely,
The Lidl Mermaid

Possibly not quite a full-service grocery, and its name seems to be missing a vowel or two. Still, that store will probably stock the staples: brd, mlk, oatml, noodls, papr towls…

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What’s your “go-to” place for buying desserts?

Sincerely,
Mousse Springsteen

I must admit I travel outside Montclair for that, to Gencarelli’s in Bloomfield. The parking lot is a bit tight, but fluffy birthday cakes attached to my car with bakery string make for excellent bumpers.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

4 COMMENTS

  1. Dave, you being a vegetarian who doesn’t drink, I will remind you of Dorothy Parker said about her favorite mix of gin and vermouth . . .

    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I’m under the table,
    after four I’m under my host.”

  2. Ha ha, silverleaf! 🙂 That was a classic Dorothy Parker verse! She WAS a bit of a drinker. Not sure she could’ve handled Montclair — only 13 liquor licenses!