MontClairVoyant: Tanks Rather Than Thanks for Montclair’s Two Congresspeople

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Their support for Trump’s deserved impeachment is much appreciated, but Montclair’s two congresspeople joined Republicans and many fellow Democrats in voting December 11 for a much-larger-than-needed military budget that gave the GOP nearly all it wanted even as most progressive provisions were stripped out. Comment?

Sincerely,

Tanks for the Memories

A decent-sized military budget is needed, but this one will fund enough bombs to destroy our planet 14,085 times — the sum of Montclair’s 07042 and 07043 zip codes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A crying shame when one thinks about how some of that money could’ve funded health care, education, etc. Any words for Donald Payne Jr. (10th District, Montclair) and Mikie Sherrill (11th District, Upper Montclair)?

Sincerely,

Arms and the Man/Woman

You’d think they would’ve at least gotten some military dollars for Montclair in case war with Cedar Grove broke out again. Don’t forget the epic Battle of Bradford Avenue, when “the rocket’s red glare/the bombs bursting in air/gave proof through the night/Java Love was still there.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

In addition to that battle spilling over to the Upper Montclair Business District, did it also affect Pompton Avenue — aka Route 23?

Sincerely,

Francis Scott Towels

I’m too upset about the new military budget to google that, but reading Joseph Heller’s “Catch-23” should tell you everything you need to know.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of weapons, leaf blowers can now be used this year until December 30 rather than December 15 because of the relatively mild fall. How relaxing will that make our school district’s winter break?

Sincerely,

Die Yard, Too

Nothing says “holiday time” like the deployment of noisy, polluting contraptions as Santa approaches Montclair chimneys on Christmas Eve — only to have his sleigh blown to Martha Stewart’s childhood home in Nutley.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Why don’t more people opt for rakes? Quiet, no pollution, good exercise…

Sincerely,

Lawn-Tool Jewel

Perhaps rake users are afraid of being nicknamed “Big Tines.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

When you lived in a Montclair house rather than a Montclair apartment, how many bags of leaves did you fill after raking each autumn?

Sincerely,

Tree Debris

About 15. Three bags of brown leaves, three bags of red leaves, three bags of yellow leaves, three bags of green leaves, and three bags of money that doesn’t grow on trees and thus fell off.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Wait a minute — you separated leaves by COLOR?

Sincerely,

Diversity Perversity

Just kidding. Only the racist Trump and his Republican enablers would think of doing that.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Why would Montclair’s two congresspeople vote for a military budget so over-large that it was a GOP dream come true?

Sincerely,

Perplexed on Pierson Place

Well, many Democrats also never say no to all things war-related. Heck, don’t forget the epic Battle of Brookdale Park.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Ah yes, Montclair vs. Glen Ridge. How did GR fare?

Sincerely,

War Off Watchung

Given that borough’s long-but-not-wide shape, it was either a narrow victory or a narrow defeat.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Returning to impeachment, some say we should wait for voters to decide Trump’s fate next year. But if he had successfully withheld Ukraine aid until getting dirt on the Bidens, 2020’s election would’ve been (even more) rigged!

Sincerely,

Too Many Crooks Spoil the Troth

One reason I’m happy to again praise Sherrill and Payne for supporting impeachment, and to also praise December 17’s spirited impeachment rally in downtown Montclair. No one is above the law, except for people who work in offices above law firms.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.