MontClairVoyant: Will This Be the Summer of Our Discontent?

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
As June approaches during a grim pandemic year, thoughts turn to what Montclair households with school-age kids will do this summer. How many day camps may not happen? What about municipal pools? Family vacations?

Sincerely,
Blight Till August

If there’s little of the above, we need contingency plans to fill the time. One suggestion: replace 500-piece jigsaw puzzles with 500,000-piece ones.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What would be huge enough to be pictured on such huge puzzles?

Sincerely,
Gar Gantuan

Sean Spiller’s mayoral campaign spending, the Montclair Property Owners Association’s budget to fight needed rent regulation, an extra-large DaVinci’s pizza…

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And what surface would be big enough for such massive puzzles to be assembled on?

Sincerely,
Days of Future Vast

A Valley & Bloom rent check.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What will be needed if there are no Montclair camps such as “Math Madness,” “Rockin’ Ropes,” and “Summer Spectacular” this summer?

Sincerely,
Less Is S’more

Online counseling to deal with alliteration withdrawal.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Will there also be alliteration withdrawal if Montclair’s three municipal pools are closed for all or part of the summer?

Sincerely,
The Wetsons

We’d “miss Mountainside,” “eschew Essex,” and “not know Nishuane.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
If those pools aren’t a summer-long option, how will residents remain cool?

Sincerely,
A.C. More

By listening to Billie Eilish.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Rec softball was among the sports canceled this spring. Might there be a make-up season this summer?

Sincerely,
A. Lu Muhnum-Batz

If pitchers are required to throw the ball at least six feet from batters, there’ll be lots of walks.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Family vacations are also iffy, no?

Sincerely,
Getaway We Were

Yup. Scary to get on a plane, use highway rest stops, sit on a crowded beach, etc. I could walk from my living room to my kitchen for a change of scenery, but there’s still the issue of going through customs.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Surely you don’t need a passport to enter your kitchen?

Sincerely,
Stamp Act

Only before cooking non-American cuisine.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
We often hear the word “staycation.” What does it mean?

Sincerely,
Range on the Home

It has something to do with an indoor cat and a molecule.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Doesn’t sound right. What would a Montclair State physics instructor say?

Sincerely,
Atom and Eve

“Hello.” “When do I get tenure?” “How long will I teach online?”

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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