MontClairVoyant: Martians Atop The MC Hotel Almost Seems Normal These Days

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
1) Montclair Property Owners Association. 2) Hybrid-learning plan. 3) Partial library reopening. 4) Great Montclair travel softball team. 5) Martian spaceship landing atop The MC Hotel. Which of the five is not legit?

Sincerely,
Five Uneasy Pieces

The MPOA? That group didn’t even get enough “good” signatures for a referendum to try to kill rent control — resulting in zero days of mourning, streets awash in no tears, grief counselors without patients, and Bob Dylan singing “Glad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Yup, she’s sad-eyed no more, and Tenants Organization of Montclair and Montclair Citizens for Rent Control members are among many others relieved at the signature failure. But might the unpopular MPOA “cure” its petition to get enough signatures?

Sincerely,
Not ‘The Cure’ Band

It’s possible, but hopefully won’t happen. Asking 1776’s Declaration of Independence signers for their signatures in 2020 seems impractical, because none of them currently reside in Montclair. But a few live in Verona.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Don’t you have some sympathy for the MPOA’s attempt to get signatures during a pandemic?

Sincerely,
Sob Roy

Nah. A lavishly funded group making life difficult for struggling renters is not exactly endearing. Which explains why the MPOA Fan Club met in a tiny sewing thimble until realizing the space was too large for its needs.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And some people helping the MPOA don’t even live in Montclair. Meanwhile, when will the hybrid plan that combines in-person and remote learning begin?

Sincerely,
The Start of the Deal

Perhaps November 9 for Montclair’s elementary students, perhaps November 23 for higher grades, and perhaps November 37 for the Martians landing on The MC Hotel who appear to be legit.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
You expressed support for the hybrid plan this summer. What think you now?

Sincerely,
Rhea Considering

I’m wavering a bit as Covid cases rise somewhat in Montclair and New Jersey — a state that has three capitals: N, J, and Trenton.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Hybrid positives?

Sincerely,
The Upbeat Goes On

It would be great for students to learn in-person two days a week and see classmates. My middle-school daughter and her friends definitely want that. And routed from no-longer-empty school buildings would be the Glenfield Ghost, Watchung Wraith, and other local apparitions.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Who grew up on Paranormal Avenue rather than Normal Avenue. Moving to hybrid’s possible negatives, would improved ventilation make things safe enough for students, teachers, and staff?

Sincerely,
Breathe or Seethe

Maybe. Also, students and their parents can choose hybrid or all-remote, but teachers apparently can’t. Plus those educators would apparently have to teach in-person and remote at the same time from classrooms. A multi-ask to multi-task could make anyone multi-flask (as in sipping…um…energy drinks).

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
How much more are teachers expected to do — walk on water?

Sincerely,
G. Zisschrist

If sinks in school bathrooms overflow.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And there’s the state Department of Education requiring districts to offer some in-person instruction, meaning Montclair isn’t making a totally autonomous decision here. Thoughts?

Sincerely,
Isle of Mandate

I draw the line at Montclair eateries emulating Trenton eateries by calling their pizzas tomato pies.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
So, when it comes to the hybrid plan, you’re…”Torn”?

Sincerely,
Cue the Video

Ah, the memorable 1997 song by Natalie Imbruglia, who’s currently going through the agony of being age 45 — the same number as Trump’s 45th presidency.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Moving to books, which aren’t read by Trump, the main branch of Montclair’s library partly reopened for first-floor browsing on October 19. Good news?

Sincerely,
No Elves on Those Shelves

Yes! Haven’t gotten there yet, but plan to soon. Will keep an eye out for Alexandre Dumas’ “The Man in the Iron Mask,” about a guy seeking extra Covid protection.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, I read that the too-big mediocrity planned for the old Hahne’s parking lot on Church Street would have only 10 percent of its 74 units affordable despite a 20-percent requirement. Will town officials let the people behind the project get away with that?

Sincerely,
Let Tenants Eat Cake

Looks like it’s already being allowed. Some town officials and developers seem so buddy-buddy they think Buddy Holly (who died in 1959) and Buddy Ebsen co-starred in “The Beverly Hillbillies” sitcom (which started in 1962).

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Didn’t they? Anyway, travel softball got mentioned in this column’s first question. What was that about?

Sincerely,
Pitchers at an Exhibition

My daughter’s impressive “12u” Montclair Bulldogs team — expertly coached by Sarah Fronhofer Kim with a perfect mix of intensity and affability — finished second in its regional division with an 8-4 record. Many games were in Glenfield Park, but the Glenfield Ghost didn’t umpire any of them because of an obvious Montclair bias.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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