MontClairVoyant: Stuff(ing) and Nonsense During Thanksgiving Week

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Let’s start this column on a positive note: Montclair High’s female and male soccer teams each won state championships. Your reaction?

Sincerely,
Win-Win Situation

Fantastic! Other than that I’m at a loss for words — which is one more loss than either squad had.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Any words to describe the planning for a fancy fundraiser, with Mayor Spiller as headliner, that media reports said would be in-person until criticism caused the (at least partly charitable) event to go virtual?

Sincerely,
K. Rona Virus

Not wise to hold a large live gathering during the COVID resurgence, even in a big tent somewhat open to outside air. But safer than a pup tent with a banquet menu of kibbles primavera.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Is Spiller, unlike Montclair mayors who preceded him in recent decades, using his current position as a possible stepping stone to higher office?

Sincerely,
Up-the-Ladder Matter

If our town built a taller Municipal Building by 2024, Spiller could be in a higher office.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I was asking about Spiller possibly running for governor!

Sincerely,
Murphy Bed

Hmm…Trenton is near Hamilton Township, where Alexander Hamilton faced off against Aaron Burr at the local Staples. Spectators watched that epic duel from office chairs that swiveled.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Clearly you need a history lesson, and it doesn’t help that Montclair’s budget-crunched local library had to lay off some people during the pandemic. Your response?

Sincerely,
Less Full on Fullerton

The pandemic can go to hell…um, to heck…um, to where it’s hot and a reddish guy with horns is holding a pitchfork purchased at Home Depot.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Mayor Spiller and the Township Council announced six COVID testing days at Glenfield Park’s Wally Choice Community Center. When are the four future testing days scheduled to be held?

Sincerely,
Glenda and Glen Field

November 30 and December 1, 7, and 8 — from 2 to 7 p.m. The park of course borders Maple Avenue, near the corners of Syrup Street and Pancake Place.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Don’t EVER write this column during breakfast again. What about the gave-not-much-notice November 18 letter our town’s Construction Official sent restaurants saying outdoor tents need permits and certificates of occupancy by November 30?

Sincerely,
Candace Canvas

Offer more help to businesses struggling during the pandemic, or leave ’em alone. A town official has to know when to lay off…or there could be additional restaurant layoffs. BTW, a pup tent’s banquet menu also includes dog-biscuit parmigiana.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Now I’m worried about the contents of your Thanksgiving meal. What do you have?

Sincerely,
Suite Potatoes

I have…an urge to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving in a not-so-happy year. And my meal includes vegetarian cranberry sauce.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Isn’t that sauce always meatless?

Sincerely,
Paltry Poultry

True, which explains why turkeys play soccer using freshly picked cranberries rather than the regulation balls preferred by Montclair High’s stellar teams.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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