MontClairVoyant: Through the Prism of Optimism, Not Schism

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I was shocked to hear about your plan to make today’s column mostly positive, but I took the news in stride — fainting only 205 times. Comment?

Sincerely,
Being Upbeat Causes Falling Down

There are better ways to remember the Municipal Building’s address.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Anyway, Mountainside Hospital on December 17 received its first batch of COVID vaccine for administering to its frontline staff. Wonderful?

Sincerely,
Hooray on Bay!

Yes, but one word seems inadequate when the hospital’s full name is the lengthy Hackensack Meridian Health Mountainside Medical Center. So I’ll amend “Wonderful” to say “Terrific, celebration-worthy news that evokes feelings of relief and gratitude we’ve been waiting to experience since March, the first of many months that each had 30 or 31 days except for one with 42 days to honor the uniform number of baseball great Jackie Robinson, who played during the same era as Larry Doby and Yogi Berra, both of whom spent many years in Montclair, although Mountainside is mostly in Glen Ridge, a town sort of shaped like a syringe and needle.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
That endless answer allowed me to take a refreshing 108-second nap — matching the address of the Montclair History Center recently honored in a USA Today ranking as having one of the country’s top holiday house tours. Reaction?

Sincerely,
Green and Red on Orange

The Crane House rocks! Actually, it’s quite sturdy.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What about the possibility of another honor for township native Buzz Aldrin of astronaut fame?

Sincerely,
Flight Behavior

Montclair resident Ilmar Vanderer is making an impressive effort to obtain funds for buying Aldrin’s up-for-sale childhood home and turning it into a museum. It’s a big house, so the moon itself (radius: 1,079 miles) might be exhibited.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Only a few moving companies would transport the moon there. But is the residential area of Princeton Place off Anderson Park the right place for a museum?

Sincerely,
House of the Native Son

Visits to the Aldrin abode would be appointment-only, and lectures held off-site. One potential speaker is R.E.M.’s fictional “Man on the Moon,” who concludes each of his talks this way: “It’s the end of my speech as I know it — and I feel fine.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Meanwhile, winter break has arrived! A chance for hard-working students and our admirable public-school teachers to hopefully unwind a bit after another challenging period of all-remote classes. Thoughts about 2020?

Sincerely,
Jack and the Screen Talk

It was a 12-month time period that began on January 1 and will end on December 31. Follow me for more definitions of what a year is.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
And isn’t it great that the school district, during the winter break, will continue to offer meals for students who need them?

Sincerely,
Nutrition Mission

Yes! Including breakfast kits, boxed pizza, fruits, veggies, and milk. If the word “pizza” had more “z’s,” it could’ve provided sound effects for the many readers who fell asleep during this column’s second answer.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
What are your plans for the break?

Sincerely,
Besides Breathing

I’ll mentally practice for the next time I use the Montclair library’s new self-checkout stations. Those machines are high-tech enough to transport a person into another century, or maybe I’m confusing that with reading “Middlemarch.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Anything else positive to say?

Sincerely,
Optimism Prism

I found the missing “Nor’easter” letters (“t” and “h”) under Montclair’s December 16-17 snow!

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.