MontClairVoyant: FEMA Finds Its Fairness Footing for Montclair

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Residents and businesses in Montclair and other Essex County towns are now rightly eligible to apply for federal disaster aid after getting slammed by Hurricane Ida. How did that belatedly happen?

Sincerely,

Rhea Consideration

Pressure from elected officials helped, but the key was a Montclair State anatomy professor changing the name of the thigh bone from femur to FEMA.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Can you provide a link — yes, a connection — proving that ridiculous assertion?

Sincerely,

Distrust and Verify

“The thigh bone’s connected to the…”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Ugh. Meanwhile, Montclair’s first day of school — in-person school! — seemed to go well on September 9. Great news?

Sincerely,

Offline of March

Yes! I even almost enjoyed the crazy traffic around Montclair High as I drove my ninth-grade daughter there. It was like Route 3 at rush hour, minus the Tick Tock Diner.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of school, I read that the New Jersey Board of Education wants to bring back the hated high school graduation test that had been suspended during COVID. Your reaction?

Sincerely,

Not Prudent for Any Student

Disgusted but not surprised, given that the state BOE still has members appointed by former Gov. Christie — the Republican right-winger whose polls plunged so low they became characters in Jules Verne’s “Journey to the Center of the Earth.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

So, why the unneeded exam?

Sincerely,

Minus a Stethoscope

One sad reason is that there’s lots of money to be made by already-rich testing interests. Gotta keep the corporate gravy train running, though I can’t find that train on the Montclair-Boonton Line schedule.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of schedules, Montclair’s great Outpost in the Burbs will reopen for in-person concerts this Sunday, September 19, with a performance by The Bongos. Where’s the venue?

Sincerely,

The Day the Music Un-died

Outside at Van Vleck House & Gardens — which is located, strangely enough, on Van Vleck Street. What were the odds of that?

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Um…not a coincidence.

Sincerely,

The Name Game

Really? Then how come Montclair’s Bruce Road doesn’t have a statue of Bruce Springsteen?

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

I was “Born to Run” away from my phone and computer when reading dumb questions like that. Goodbye.

Sincerely,

Glory Daze

Your departure will be borne in the USA — and in Montclair specifically.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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