MontClairVoyant: Independence for Women Yanked Prior to Independence Day


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

With our town’s Independence Day parade next Monday, do you even feel like celebrating when women now have little independence over their bodies after the far-right Supreme Court’s June 24 ruling on abortion?

Sincerely,

‘Abomination’ Contains the Word ‘Nation’

The rogue Court’s radical ruling was appalling and way outside mainstream thinking, but our town’s July 4 parade has such a tolerant vibe that ultra-reactionary justice Samuel Alito ran screaming years ago from his now-former home in West Caldwell.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Yes, Montclair’s parade — being held for the first time since the pre-COVID summer of 2019 — has feminist elements, people-of-color elements, LGBTQ elements, etc. Partly so progressive that…

Sincerely,

Ella Ments

…even the vintage cars in the parade turn left. (From Midland Avenue onto Watchung Avenue.)

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Where have you watched the parade in past years?

Sincerely,

The View

On the aforementioned Midland with my back to Watchung Train Station — where, because of popular-will-thwarting Republicans, U.S. democracy has been seen riding the tracks to hell.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Penn Station isn’t TOTAL hell. Who will be the parade’s deserved honorees before things segue to a big picnic in Edgemont Park?

Sincerely,

Red, White, and Green

Toni’s Kitchen and the Human Needs Food Pantry (both founded 40 years ago) and late community leader Al Pelham. But not Samuel Alito, whose popularity in Montclair ranks somewhere between lima beans and Brussels sprouts.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Gasp! That’s even less popular than Satan. Speaking of events, Montclair High’s commencement was held on June 28. Was there ever a later graduation ceremony in our town’s history?

Sincerely,

Sigh…Near July

It was once held on June 32 — after which no students went on to become college math majors.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That said, it was a wonderful commencement on Tuesday for a Class of 2022 that went through so much — a stairway collapse that shuttered many classrooms and then of course COVID.

Sincerely,

Challenges on Chestnut

So much remote learning that the IQ of TV remotes soared.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The ceremony was of course followed by the cherished “running of the buses” around town before those buses whisked students to their Project Graduation party. Where was the party held?

Sincerely,

A Place of You

Antarctica.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

You’re thinking of Penguin Graduation. Anyway, how do you know it was a wonderful commencement? Your younger daughter just finished 9th grade, not 12th grade.

Sincerely,

Sophomoric

She was in the orchestra during the June 28 ceremony — playing an instrument (viola) that starts with the same letter as Verona. An “M” instrument would’ve made more sense for Montclair, but a Mellotron is too heavy to hold against one’s neck.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Plus a video of the commencement was and is on YouTube. To conclude, I hope most members of Montclair’s Class of 2022 — female or male — don’t attend colleges in anti-abortion red states.

Sincerely,

Nightmare Scenario

I share that hope. Far-right justice Clarence Thomas even vilely said contraception and same-sex marriage could next be challenged while conveniently leaving out interracial marriage (his far-right wife is white). If “Despicable Me” was an autobiographical film about Thomas, it was prescient.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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