MontClairVoyant: Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci Visit Montclair


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Montclair expected to hear from New Jersey last month about what percentage the state would pay of the proposed capital improvement plan for our schools. Why the delay from Trenton?

Sincerely,

Slow and Behold

An obvious explanation is bureaucratic inertia, but perhaps the state hid its decision in a tomato pie delivered to the wrong town. What haunts me is wondering if that pizza had mushrooms.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

I’m haunted by the stupidity of your answer. So, given the state delay, will the very needed $188-million bond proposal to fix and improve Montclair’s school buildings and sites be on the ballot this November?

Sincerely,

Constructive Vote

“Only her hairdresser knows for sure.”


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

WHAT are you talking about?

Sincerely,

Puzzled, Not Muzzled

I was quoting the catchphrase from a Clairol hair-coloring ad campaign that’s quite old but not nearly as old as 10 of our town’s 11 public schools. That hairdresser needs to be subpoenaed.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Save your legal efforts for nabbing Trump. Meanwhile, Montclair might receive aid from the state to fund preschool. If so, would that very welcome money be hidden in a tomato pie, too?

Sincerely,

Ann Chovies and Art A. Chokes

What also haunts me is Leonardo da Vinci moving to Montclair in 1494 to open Da Vinci’s Pizza on Bellevue Avenue yet there being no photographic record of that happening.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

If Leonardo walked Bellevue more than five centuries ago, was he also at Upper Montclair’s annual sidewalk sale the September before returning to Europe to paint “The Last Supper”?

Sincerely,

Frequent Flyer Fellow

You’ll find clues in his painting “The Past, Upper.”


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Sounds like Leonardo was the George Inness of Italy. In 1508, did da Vinci contemporary Michelangelo also leave Italy for Montclair to paint the ceiling of Tinga in exchange for a Mission Burrito?

Sincerely,

Chip Sandsalsa

This fake history stuff is getting out of hand. Next thing you know someone will claim Montclair sold Grove Street School for about $1 million and later in effect replaced it by building the Bullock school for more than $23 million.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

But that DID happen, “thanks” to no foresight among those officials who authorized the Grove Street School sale. Anyway, any thoughts about Labor Day?

Sincerely,

Monday, Monday

I’m glad workers are honored at least one day a year when the other 364 are Management Day.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The next day, September 6, Montclair’s 2022-23 school year began amid rain. Did that weather symbolize tears of sorrow for those mourning the end of summer break, and tears of joy for those glad to be back in classrooms?

Sincerely,

You Weep What You Sow

I suppose. The rain also meant many students who usually walk or bike to school instead took gondolas.


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Huh? Do you think Montclair is Venice?

Sincerely,

Grand Root Canal

Not really — just continuing this column’s irrelevant references to Italy.

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.

 

 

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