Dear Alma,

I make a few dishes really well. How bad is it if I always serve these 3 or 4 dishes when I entertain? I know I can always count on them coming out good. It bums me out to no end when I work all day on a meal and it just isn’t “great.”  Maybe my ego is in the way. I’m not cooking to simply impress although I must admit I love to hear compliments. I’m interested in being with my friends first and foremost, and feeding them well. I know that I love it when they make certain dishes. What’s the etiquette?

Thanks,
Boring But Delicious

Dear Boring But Delicious,

You have answered the question yourself. You are really cooking to be with friends, to enjoy their company and to feed them well. Since your dishes are delicious, I would say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

A word of caution, however. To paraphrase the famous Peg Bracken who wrote The I hate To Cook Cookbook decades ago, “change your guests, not your dishes”. That is, make an effort to mix it up a bit so that you don’t always serve those same guests the same meals. Unless of course they request it.

Enjoy those compliments!

Dear Alma,

I hate when my male guests don’t get up to help me clean. I think it’s chauvinistic. Am I right?

Signed,
Pissed at lazy asses

Dear Pissed at Lazy Asses,

I understand your feeling annoyed, especially if you want and need the help but
as I always say, entertaining is more about making your guests feel comfortable and having fun than it is about anything else. You did not invite the men to work your party.

If you are overwhelmed when you entertain it would be a good idea to hire someone to help. I’m not just talking about a catering company that will charge you a fortune; hire your kids or their friends or bribe them to help. When I was in high school I was a hired hand at a party and I saved the family’s apartment from burning down by catching a candle setting a curtain on fire in a bedroom. Just saying that the host/ess can’t always be on top of everything.

That being said, it’s always polite for a guest to offer to help, whatever their gender. Sometimes there are guests who offer to help to be polite and really would prefer not to, but there are also those who feel more comfortable pitching in. There’s also nothing wrong with a friendly, “would you mind helping me clear these?”

If you really need the help, accept it but try not to judge too much if your guests are having such a great time that they forget their manners. That means your party is a success!

Dear Alma,

What do you do when a dinner guest picks her teeth at your table with one of of those individual plastic dental floss tooth pickers?

Signed,
Grossed Out

Dear Grossed Out,

Excuse me while I dry heave before I answer your query.

This is an atrocious thing to do in public and also unsanitary. Unless your guest is your beloved 98 year old grandmother who has advanced gum disease, necessitating flossing after meals and can’t make it to the privacy of your bathroom because of her unstable knees, I would question how important this person is in your life and consider whether or not to invite them again. Ever.

Dear Alma,

My wonderful boyfriend surprised me by making dinner last week. It was very thoughtful as I’ve just started a new job and haven’t had much time to decompress. However, it was nearly inedible. He told me he was making a meat sauce so I had an expectation of what it would be like, but it was not quite the bolognese I had in mind. My question for you is what do you do when someone you care for goes out of their way to make you something nice, and you’re very thankful, but just can’t eat it?! I didn’t handle the situation well. I appreciate what he did but don’t understand how he could have messed it up so badly!

Sincerely,
The Mean Girlfriend Who Refused to Eat Her Boyfriend’s Meal

Dear The Mean Girlfriend Who Refused to Eat Her Boyfriend’s Meal, Continue Reading

Dear Alma,

At work I’ve met some really interesting, funny men. I see them infrequently but would love to see them more often, outside of the work setting, maybe have them over for dinner. By the way I am happily married. I don’t know their wives but would love to invite both husband and wife over for a meal. Is it inappropriate? Would the wife feel threatened that her husband has a female friend? I’m concerned too, that my husband will feel threatened that I have a male friend- even though he will see that this friend is happily married. I want to clarify that there is no funny business involved! I just enjoy the companionship of both men and women. How would you proceed? Is this something a married person should avoid doing?

Thanks,
Feeling Short Changed On Who I Can Socialize With

Dear Feeling Short Changed On Who I Can Socialize With,

Pardon my frankness, but as long as you are honest with yourself about not wanting to lure the guest(s) into your bed with your delicious cooking, I see no reason why you shouldn’t invite them over. New friends are the spice of life whether they are men, women, Syrian refugees, whomever. I would suggest discussing it with your partner and if he has an issue with it, there may be other issues at play in your marriage that need to be addressed. As for the wives of the men, they’ll have to figure that one out themselves, not you.

Enjoy the dinner party! Continue Reading

Happy holidays, everyone!

As we wind down this year, we have a few questions about entertaining during the holiday season and beyond but also about the never ending food issues with teens. Take a look and remember to send in your questions.

Dear Alma,

We love to entertain.  But this time of year, with food so much a part of the celebrations, it can get difficult with food allergies, food sensitivities and dietary restrictions so common among our friends and their children.  In particular, we have several friends on gluten free diets, a number of vegetarians and we feel like we need to be always wary of nut allergies.  Do we have to eliminate all of those ingredients from the menu for the night or is it enough to just have a few options that cover those circumstances?  What is the appropriate etiquette?  And can you suggest some good recipes that will be safe and delicious for our guests.?  We usually serve more on the casual, buffet style side of things. Continue Reading

I love food. I love cooking. I love entertaining. Because I love these three things I have immersed myself in the world of cooking, eating, attending dinner parties and social gatherings where there is food as well as hosting others my entire adult life.

Here’s my first column:

Dear Alma,

Do you have any tips for timing food and house preparation in anticipation of an event like a dinner party? I would love to be an effortless hostess, but I end up overplanning, stressing out, and STILL somehow scrambling to get things done, and not succeeding, by the time my guests arrive. They’re always kind, understanding people, but I’d love to be that kind of cool, relaxed hostess who has time to put on makeup and stuff before the guests arrive.

Please help!
Signed,
Hostess with the most stress

Dear Hostess with the most stress, Continue Reading